I met my partner at a funeral. I don't believe in love at first sight, but we were instantly connect

Publish date: 2024-06-21

2023-11-04T10:18:01Z

I met a woman at a funeral for my ex's sister. We had an instant connection and stayed in touch.
Though we weren't initially ready for a relationship, we became part of each other's lives.
Her son asked to call me "Mummy Joan," and we realized we wanted to be together.

I met my partner at a funeral. While that always raises eyebrows, it's the truth. In 2019, my experience of dating apps had been a long list of random people ghosting me after just one date or — in one instance — spilling red wine all over my white dress. I had finally deleted Tinder from my phone and decided if I was meant to be with someone, it would happen.

My most recent relationship had reached a natural conclusion a year before, and my heart was still healing. My ex-fiancée had a good man in her life, and she and I still spoke once a week. Despite the end of a six-year relationship, there was no animosity between us.

In August 2019, tragedy struck my ex's family. Her sister, whom I had come to see as my own sister, died suddenly. I was heartbroken. It still felt like yesterday that I had given a speech at her 18th birthday party. Though the sister and I had lost touch during the breakup, I still thought of her fondly. My ex reached out and invited me to the funeral, and I went to say my goodbyes and offer my support.

A funeral led to an instant connection

The funeral was devastating but beautiful. At the wake, I drifted a little, not quite knowing my place. I wasn't sure where to stand, where to sit, or whom I should talk to.

I found a spare seat at a table with some of my ex's high-school friends. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in magnetic attraction. Cass and I saw each other from across the table, and I immediately noticed her smile, her voice, and the light in her eyes. We bonded instantly and talked like old friends about systemic over-imprisonment, politics, and young-adult fantasy novels. As I left, we traded Twitter handles (this was before the site changed its name to X).

For the next few weeks, we flirted via likes and retweets before Cass slid into my DMs. Truth be told, I was already smitten by her and had been talking about her to any of my friends who would listen.

Neither of us was ready for a relationship, but we enjoyed spending time together

After much prompting from my inner circle, I asked Cass to have breakfast with me. After making sure my ex was OK with my asking out one of her friends from high school, Cass and I met for bacon and egg rolls, along with hot chocolate. Three hours passed in the blink of an eye, and I was captivated.

Cass had recently ended a relationship with her long-term partner and had a toddler to focus on, so she wasn't ready for a relationship. Honestly, neither was I. In the wake of my own breakup and a wave of personal crises, I had recently decided to quit drinking, and I needed time to settle into a new, more stable way of living.

Cass understood. I spent a lot of time at her house, and I felt safe there, free from judgment, and instantly at home. She made me my first home-cooked meal in months after discovering that I was living on an unsustainable diet of Thai-food takeout. Her son quickly became one of the best parts of my life.

The author, right, and her partner. Courtesy of the author

My close relationship with her son led to something more

Six months after we met, the coronavirus pandemic hit. In our home state, we were allowed to form pods with only one person outside our family. It was barely a discussion; Cass became my bubble person, and I became hers. I worked remotely at her home and helped with her son. We shared meals and movies and kept our spirits up while the world outside became increasingly bleak. And we still flirted on Twitter, even while sitting beside each other on the couch.

In the end, it was her son who broke our stalemate. He asked whether he could call me Mummy Joan. After we had put him to bed that night, an awkward silence fell between us. Eventually, I broke the silence and said, "So..."

We talked at length about what we wanted, what we should do, and what would be best for the most important person who was also affected by our friendship — her 4-year-old. We had our first kiss the following evening.

That was three years ago. Since then, so much has happened.

I'm convinced funerals are the place to find love

We've moved in together and made our house a home, filling it with all the mess, chaos, and warmth a family needs. At our Christmas-in-July party this year, Cass asked me to marry her. I've already become part of their family, and am stepparent to a wonderful kid who has captured my heart.

I thoroughly recommend funerals as a place to meet a partner. In comparison, weddings are too giddy and optimistic. The Champagne flows, everyone talks about love, and it's easy to get caught up in the moment, fooling yourself that you're destined to be with anyone who can handle themself on the dance floor.

But funerals are for the romantic realists. If you're at your worst, life is laid bare, there are no games to play, and you still can't keep your eyes off the prettiest human at the wake, it's then when you know it's real.

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